Thursday, January 04, 2007

School

Well, they are there. Tucked in with the other 600 children in their schools. They were troopers. I was a mess, well not until I got to the car, but a mess all the same. I felt like I was going to throw up or run back in and rescue them. I barely contained both feelings. It has been exactly 30 minutes since I saw them and I miss them TERRIBLY! This is not how I want things. I do not think I have ever had this feeling before....this feeling of swimming against the tide in MAKING myself do something. This is worse than my fight with depression or is it worse because of my fight with depression? Well meaning people say "they will be fine". And all I want to scream is I DON'T WANT THEM TO JUST BE FINE!!!!!!!!!!!

I bought something for myself for Christmas. A sign that reads "if you're handed it you can handle it". Well, today that is a bunch of hooey. And I should have jerked my hand away as it was being handed to me.

I am going for some retail therapy. It is raining and grey out and I need to leave the house of homeschooling books and toys. I feel like a failure today.

Lyn

8 comments:

Elise said...

I love you. And I'm e-mailing you right now.

Randi said...

Oh Lyn, this post made me cry! I am going to leave lots of love and hugs in this comment box!

QueenHeroical said...

... gosh ... praying right now ... through the tears ... Krina

tonia said...

oh dear...of course you feel that way...this is heart-breaking.

from my own need this morning, the Lord gave me this....may I share it with you? (Is. 41)


10 Don't be afraid, for I am with you.
Don't be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

13 For I hold you by your right hand—
I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
'Don't be afraid. I am here to help you.


(((hugs)))

Tonia

linda said...

Oh Lyn, this is probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do! I'm so sorry. It breaks my mother's heart to think you have had to go through this this week. God bless you.

Kate said...

I'm so sad for you... I am just reading this now. It's been a week now. Are you doing just a tad wee bit better?
HUGS!

Kate said...

I'm so sad for you... I am just reading this now. It's been a week now. Are you doing just a tad wee bit better?
HUGS!

Kate said...

I'm so sad for you... I am just reading this now. It's been a week now. Are you doing just a tad wee bit better?
HUGS!