Thursday, November 30, 2006

Car Conversation Part II

"Mommy, did that sign say speed limit 55?"

"Why yes, Rowdy One, it did. You read it! Way to go!"

"Then why are your going 60?"

"Oh. Well. I guess I do need to slow down a bit. Thank you, sweetie."

a few minutes later......

"Mommy, green is for go, yellow is for slow and red is for stop."

"You are right Rwody One."

"Then why didn't you slow down?"

Don't you just love when they are back seat drivers at SIX!

ThankyouVERYmuch.

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Our days with my mother in law are flowing nicely. We do our school work, bake cookies and watch movies and then prepare dinner for them and eat with them when Chosen One gets there.

Wise One has a severe case of poison ivy that has spread to his face and other delicate areas. He is handling it like a trooper but today we filled some medicine from the dr. that he has to swallow and you would have thought we were asking him to drink drano! But he finally got it down with a scoop of peanut butter and some apple sauce. Probably both things that counteract with the medicine! OY!

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It seems I am facing death of a couple of loved ones. Both by the awful thing that is cancer. Six letters that change everything. I am a person that has to process. That has to prepare. Whether it be preparing for a feast or preparing my brain and heart for what is coming, I must prepare. So that I can see it for what it is and not totally go wildly mad. I walk on a fine line of sane and insane, these days. Watching those you love die gets really old. And now the numbers seem to be stacking up and in order for me to stay on the sane side of the line I must push forward and embrace what I know is coming. I must find a place and put It there. Some think this is morbid. I think, for me, it is a very healthy thing. Some think I am obsessing. I think, for me, I am processing. Some think I am looking at the negative. I think, for me, I am embracing the positive.

We live our whole life trying to get to heaven. I do not look at death as a horrible thing. The suffering is what gets me down. The heartache of watching people not able to handle the death of a loved one makes me sad. The process is what can be hard. But death. Death is not the enemy. Many times it is our emotions attached to death.

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is
love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Thornton Wilder
The Bridge of San Luis Rey


5 comments:

Elise said...

You and your family are faithfully in my prayers, Lyn. How blessed you are to have such delightful sons and a wonderful husband to care for, and yet. To walk with loved ones to their deaths is so difficult.
I will pray for your spirit, your sanity, your soul as you face this. And may you bring joy to those you are serving - you may not think you do, but it's true.

beck said...

you know you are always on my mind and in my prayers. i think we do what feels right for us in order to get thru the rough times. what others think about it, matters not. what matters is how WE feel about it. i'm here if there's anything you need.

QueenHeroical said...

I,like you, need to process things out especially the hard stuff. Your perspective is beautiful and reflects the grace and peace God annoints on those in such places of human sorrow. I'll be praying for your continued strength, stamina, and sanity.

RANDI said...

Saying prayers for you. I know this season has been rough for you and I wish I had some really wise words to make all things better, but I don't. Just know that i care about what you are dealing with and you are in my thoughts.

(((HUGS)))

lindiepindie said...

My Mom has been in town so I'm trying to get caught up here...

I have a 4 year-old back seat driver, "SLOW DOWN, MOM! THE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING! THE KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL!"

I'm sorry about the loss that is happening in your life. I think you have a healthy way of processing everything. I'm sure that for some personalities, it wouldn't work for them, but I admire you for finding a way to deal with things in a way that works for you. Death is just a part of life, isn't it? But I hear you - suffering is hard to see and bear, I'm sure.