Colada Cooler Punch
2 ~ 12oz can frozen pina colada mix ~ thawed
2 ~ 12oz can white grape juice ~ thawed
6 cups cold water
12 cups (about 3 liters) lemon lime soda
lemon and lime wedges
Mix and chill!
My boys love making this on a hot day. It is yummy!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Tuesday
What I didn't do today:
vacuum, dust, clean the celing fans, file bills, make phone calls the insurances, make the beds, finish the laudry
What I DID do today:
lounged in a chair during swim lessons and read The Devil Wears Prada, read to the boys as they played with K'NEX, took a nap, ate Fruitty Pepples with the rest of the crew at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, made a yummy broccoli salad that I have been craving.
Good day. Can't wait for the Chosen One to get home. That will make my day wonderful.
Lyn
vacuum, dust, clean the celing fans, file bills, make phone calls the insurances, make the beds, finish the laudry
What I DID do today:
lounged in a chair during swim lessons and read The Devil Wears Prada, read to the boys as they played with K'NEX, took a nap, ate Fruitty Pepples with the rest of the crew at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, made a yummy broccoli salad that I have been craving.
Good day. Can't wait for the Chosen One to get home. That will make my day wonderful.
Lyn
Monday, June 26, 2006
A bit of a stresser.
Monday. Not the typical stressful day to me really. But today. YIKES!
I am PMSing terribly. And that is not just a phrase around this house. It is a condition that I do not take lightly when I have days like today.
Rowdy One is...well being, rowdy. Some days that little one tries my patience. On good days I can stand the battle. On not so good days, I fail miserably.
Wise One has a WISE mouth and today has not been a good day in that department.
Let's see. What else can I whine about? The Chosen One's alternator went out on the truck. A cable to the garage door snapped so it won't go up and the pool we had for summer BURST on Saturday and is still sitting in the backyard, no one can face the clean up.
Yeah, that should do it.................for now.
I love the following prayer. It comforts me. I will focus on it for the rest of the day. Something, I should have STARTED the day with. Thank goodness He is patient!
I am PMSing terribly. And that is not just a phrase around this house. It is a condition that I do not take lightly when I have days like today.
Rowdy One is...well being, rowdy. Some days that little one tries my patience. On good days I can stand the battle. On not so good days, I fail miserably.
Wise One has a WISE mouth and today has not been a good day in that department.
Let's see. What else can I whine about? The Chosen One's alternator went out on the truck. A cable to the garage door snapped so it won't go up and the pool we had for summer BURST on Saturday and is still sitting in the backyard, no one can face the clean up.
Yeah, that should do it.................for now.
I love the following prayer. It comforts me. I will focus on it for the rest of the day. Something, I should have STARTED the day with. Thank goodness He is patient!
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
here there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seekt o be consoled as to
console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Friday, June 23, 2006
I just realized something.....
I like quiet. I mean I really like quiet.
Wise One is at my sister's for a sleepover. Rowdy One and Chosen One made a late night run to the store. Four Legged One and I are home alone. I have been listening to music online and just clicked it off only to discover......the music was covering up the hum of the AC right outside my window. And the faint breathing of my sweet, sweet dog. And the ..... quiet of my house. The music was covering up the quiet of my house. Ahhh...........that's better. Quiet, peaceful, dark.
My house always seems so noisy and I enjoy it during the day. I giggle at it. I laugh when people come over and cover their ears. But when the sun sets......I want quiet.
No reading, no watching TV, not talking. Just listening to the house. She is sighing after a noisy day herself.
Lyn
Wise One is at my sister's for a sleepover. Rowdy One and Chosen One made a late night run to the store. Four Legged One and I are home alone. I have been listening to music online and just clicked it off only to discover......the music was covering up the hum of the AC right outside my window. And the faint breathing of my sweet, sweet dog. And the ..... quiet of my house. The music was covering up the quiet of my house. Ahhh...........that's better. Quiet, peaceful, dark.
My house always seems so noisy and I enjoy it during the day. I giggle at it. I laugh when people come over and cover their ears. But when the sun sets......I want quiet.
No reading, no watching TV, not talking. Just listening to the house. She is sighing after a noisy day herself.
Lyn
Birthday Fun
A friend sent this to me. It was interesting and fun. Here are my results:
You entered: 8/5/1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 November 1971 which was a Saturday.
You were born on a Saturday under the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 5.
Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441534.5.The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 Sep
tember 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 6/23/2006 1:45:39 PM EDTYou are 33 years old.
You are 406 months old.
You are 1,768 weeks old.
You are 12,375 days old.
You are 297,013 hours old.
You are 17,820,825 minutes old.
You are 1,069,249,539 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.84344422700587 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 43 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 34 candles.Those 34 candles produce 34 BTUs,or 8,568 calories of heat (that's only 8.5680 food Calories!) .You can boil 3.89 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
Your birthstone is Peridot
Peridot is used to help dreams become a reality.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Sardonyx, Diamond, Jade
Your birth tree is
Poplar, the Uncertainty
Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.
There are 185 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 198 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning crescent.
You entered: 8/5/1972
Your date of conception was on or about 13 November 1971 which was a Saturday.
You were born on a Saturday under the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 5.
Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441534.5.The golden number for 1972 is 16.
The epact number for 1972 is 14.
The year 1972 was a leap year.
Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/15/1972 and ending 2/2/1973.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Rat.
Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.
You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 2 April 1972.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 9 April 1972.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 16 February 1972.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 21 May 1972.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 28 May 1972.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 9 Sep
tember 1972.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 30 March 1972.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 15 February 1972.
As of 6/23/2006 1:45:39 PM EDTYou are 33 years old.
You are 406 months old.
You are 1,768 weeks old.
You are 12,375 days old.
You are 297,013 hours old.
You are 17,820,825 minutes old.
You are 1,069,249,539 seconds old.
Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.84344422700587 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
There are 43 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 34 candles.Those 34 candles produce 34 BTUs,or 8,568 calories of heat (that's only 8.5680 food Calories!) .You can boil 3.89 US ounces of water with that many candles.
In 1972 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.In 1972 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1972 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)In 1972 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
Your birthstone is Peridot
Peridot is used to help dreams become a reality.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Sardonyx, Diamond, Jade
Your birth tree is
Poplar, the Uncertainty
Looks very decorative, no self-confident behaviour, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.
There are 185 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 198 days till Orthodox Christmas!
The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waning crescent.
Focus
My focus has been a bit off lately. I have been busy doing this and that that I have not been very thankful of all the simple things He gives me daily. Here is a short list to get my weekend off to the right start.
1. willing and helpful friends
2. little boy smiles
3. a cold Dr. Pepper
4. weeded flower beds
5. time to sit and watch
6. spicy bar-b-q chips
7. clean floors
8. garbage men to take away all the cr*p, right from my curb
9. ice cubes
10. morning quiet
Have a great weekend and slow down long enough to be thankful for the simple things.
Lyn
1. willing and helpful friends
2. little boy smiles
3. a cold Dr. Pepper
4. weeded flower beds
5. time to sit and watch
6. spicy bar-b-q chips
7. clean floors
8. garbage men to take away all the cr*p, right from my curb
9. ice cubes
10. morning quiet
Have a great weekend and slow down long enough to be thankful for the simple things.
Lyn
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Hot
"What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state
of inelegance."
Jane Austen, letter of September 1796
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
News
I do not watch the news unless there is severe weather in the area. Really, I can not think of the last time I watched a news cast. To much information for me. I scan the headlines online and in papers. I hear enough through word of mouth. If something interests me I research it more. My choice. Not shoved down my throat by some newscaster. Now don't get me wrong. I do not totally have my head in the sand. I do want to stay informed. I do want to be aware. But on my terms, under my limits.
Perfect example: This story saddens me. I can not imagine what the family is going through. Or what they go through just by turning on the TV. Why do we have to be told every. stinking. damn. detail? Why? If the family wishes to know that is their call, their business, but if they don't then they should not be scared to watch the news for fear of being told to much information ABOUT THEIR FAMILY MEMBER.
Pray. Pray hard. That is all I can do. And keep the news off!
Lyn
Perfect example: This story saddens me. I can not imagine what the family is going through. Or what they go through just by turning on the TV. Why do we have to be told every. stinking. damn. detail? Why? If the family wishes to know that is their call, their business, but if they don't then they should not be scared to watch the news for fear of being told to much information ABOUT THEIR FAMILY MEMBER.
Pray. Pray hard. That is all I can do. And keep the news off!
Lyn
Monday, June 19, 2006
Am I CRAZY?
I am thinking of tackling a little home improvement project.
We need new carpet. We have no money for new carpet. I hate my carpet. We have no money for new carpet. Not sure I really want carpet again anyway. I think I might pull up the carpet in the master bedroom and paint the concrete a gorgeous chocolate brown and then find a nice rug.
Am I CRAZY?
Did I mention I hate my carpet? And that we don't have the money for new carpet? Just wanted to make that very. clear.
Lyn
We need new carpet. We have no money for new carpet. I hate my carpet. We have no money for new carpet. Not sure I really want carpet again anyway. I think I might pull up the carpet in the master bedroom and paint the concrete a gorgeous chocolate brown and then find a nice rug.
Am I CRAZY?
Did I mention I hate my carpet? And that we don't have the money for new carpet? Just wanted to make that very. clear.
Lyn
Friday, June 16, 2006
Father's Day
This weekend with be the Chosen One's eighth father's day. Eight years being a father, growing as a father, thinking as a father. Man, time flies when you are sleep deprived, money deprived and having the time of your life!!!!
Funny, I don't remember much of our time before we were parents. I mean I remember bits and pieces but not much day to day. What did we do with our time?!?
Fatherhood changes a man. The Chosen One was one of those kids that went down your street with his music to loud and when he had friends over you knew exactly what they were doing because they were rowdy and loud. Now that he is a father you should hear him when a radio is to loud! Really, it is humorous. He has even threatened to call the police on a couple of neighbor kids that are having fun a little to late! My how times change when you enter fatherhood. I laugh and tell him he is being silly that he was once "one of those" and I am sure at some point our boys will be "one of them" and he doesn't see the humor. Not even a little bit. And then there are times that I catch him as his younger self with our boys and it makes me smile. He becomes a kid again on so many levels and the heavens open up and laugh themselves at all the rowdiness.
In honor of eight years of fatherhood I leave eight wonderful things about the Chosen One, who is an amazing father.
1. The sight of my three guys all in the recliner watching "the game" and daddy explaining to the younger set all the rules and how it is played.
2. Playing catch in the front yard and getting something stuck on the roof then figuring out a way to get said object off the roof. All the while with little feet right behind you.
3. The talks while showering or bathing the boys. Really, loads of questions are asked at this time and with all the attention focused on them, bath time really is the best time.
4. When it is storming and 4 extra legs climb in bed and you move over to make room.
5. Our dog and how you pressured me into get getting him, "for the boys". One of the best things you ever stood your ground on!
6. Flying a kite.
7. Helping me understand they are growing and I have to slowly let them go. You balance me out at the most difficult times and I am so very thankful.
8. One of the ways you keep the boys happy is to keep their momma happy. And you win the prize at this one!
I love you! Happy Father's Day, Chosen One.
Lyn
Funny, I don't remember much of our time before we were parents. I mean I remember bits and pieces but not much day to day. What did we do with our time?!?
Fatherhood changes a man. The Chosen One was one of those kids that went down your street with his music to loud and when he had friends over you knew exactly what they were doing because they were rowdy and loud. Now that he is a father you should hear him when a radio is to loud! Really, it is humorous. He has even threatened to call the police on a couple of neighbor kids that are having fun a little to late! My how times change when you enter fatherhood. I laugh and tell him he is being silly that he was once "one of those" and I am sure at some point our boys will be "one of them" and he doesn't see the humor. Not even a little bit. And then there are times that I catch him as his younger self with our boys and it makes me smile. He becomes a kid again on so many levels and the heavens open up and laugh themselves at all the rowdiness.
In honor of eight years of fatherhood I leave eight wonderful things about the Chosen One, who is an amazing father.
1. The sight of my three guys all in the recliner watching "the game" and daddy explaining to the younger set all the rules and how it is played.
2. Playing catch in the front yard and getting something stuck on the roof then figuring out a way to get said object off the roof. All the while with little feet right behind you.
3. The talks while showering or bathing the boys. Really, loads of questions are asked at this time and with all the attention focused on them, bath time really is the best time.
4. When it is storming and 4 extra legs climb in bed and you move over to make room.
5. Our dog and how you pressured me into get getting him, "for the boys". One of the best things you ever stood your ground on!
6. Flying a kite.
7. Helping me understand they are growing and I have to slowly let them go. You balance me out at the most difficult times and I am so very thankful.
8. One of the ways you keep the boys happy is to keep their momma happy. And you win the prize at this one!
I love you! Happy Father's Day, Chosen One.
Lyn
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tone
I just gave Wise One sentences to write.
“I will not talk in a rude manner.”
20 times.
Any other ideas? I am struggling to find ways to help the boys change their tone of voice with people. I need to do some work myself!
Lyn
“I will not talk in a rude manner.”
20 times.
Any other ideas? I am struggling to find ways to help the boys change their tone of voice with people. I need to do some work myself!
Lyn
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Well, then....
Rowdy One has said these things in the last 24 hrs:
"Mommy, I have a mosquito bite in my mouth."
To which Wise One said, a bit sarcastically, "Why? Did you sleep with your mouth open?"
"Honey, that is an ulcer."
"Okay, fine, I have a mosquito bit ulcer in my mouth but it hurts!"
Now he just came in a told me something is wrong with his throat.
"Is it hurting?"
"No."
"Is it scratchy?"
Get ready for the whinniest voice possible.
"No! It is just clogged with snot, mooommmmyyyy."
Well, then........
After a quick fever check, we have a low grade fever either from the mosquito bite in the mouth or because his throat won't let all the snot pass. You tell me? He thinks he needs to spend the day in bed cuddled with mommy and books and Nannie McPhee.
I think I can work that out!
Lyn
"Mommy, I have a mosquito bite in my mouth."
To which Wise One said, a bit sarcastically, "Why? Did you sleep with your mouth open?"
"Honey, that is an ulcer."
"Okay, fine, I have a mosquito bit ulcer in my mouth but it hurts!"
Now he just came in a told me something is wrong with his throat.
"Is it hurting?"
"No."
"Is it scratchy?"
Get ready for the whinniest voice possible.
"No! It is just clogged with snot, mooommmmyyyy."
Well, then........
After a quick fever check, we have a low grade fever either from the mosquito bite in the mouth or because his throat won't let all the snot pass. You tell me? He thinks he needs to spend the day in bed cuddled with mommy and books and Nannie McPhee.
I think I can work that out!
Lyn
Monday, June 12, 2006
Monday = Laundry
Why is it when you take a few days to relax it must be followed with several days of not relaxing and catching up with stuff? I need to work on that balance.
Beach weekend was wonderful. The boys and I can sit the entire day away at the beach. With ne're a bit of bickering. It is great to see them in that setting. At 8 and 5 1/2 they do seem to bicker alot. About everything. Some of it I can handle and even appreciate. Some of it I just can't take! Like the picking. And the picking and then the picking. Like the way one pronounces a word and the other one corrects so that it is the way he thinks it should be said. Yeah, that gets a little old.
But when they are peaceful. Oh how sweet that peaceful sound is. When they are totally agreeable to each other just to be in each others presence. When they do what the other wants just to get to join in on the fun. When they share ideas and plans. And sandcastles with no one needing to be king. Oh that is a sweet sound.
That is what the beach brings to them.
Enjoy the peaceful moments,
Lyn
Beach weekend was wonderful. The boys and I can sit the entire day away at the beach. With ne're a bit of bickering. It is great to see them in that setting. At 8 and 5 1/2 they do seem to bicker alot. About everything. Some of it I can handle and even appreciate. Some of it I just can't take! Like the picking. And the picking and then the picking. Like the way one pronounces a word and the other one corrects so that it is the way he thinks it should be said. Yeah, that gets a little old.
But when they are peaceful. Oh how sweet that peaceful sound is. When they are totally agreeable to each other just to be in each others presence. When they do what the other wants just to get to join in on the fun. When they share ideas and plans. And sandcastles with no one needing to be king. Oh that is a sweet sound.
That is what the beach brings to them.
Enjoy the peaceful moments,
Lyn
Friday, June 09, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Alrighty then
I am feeling a bit out of balance and I think I realized what it was. I am oficially a homeschooling mom in the sense, we plan to homeschool and I will not be returning to work. Which means that neat little pay check they hand me twice a month will not exist and we will be a one income family.
What the hell am I doing? Thinking? Dreaming about?
Yeah, I think that is one reason I am out of balance.
Wise One has requested we start school up. So I am off to look for some projects and math flash cards.
Yeah, we are doing it but that doesn't mean I am not FREAKING OUT!
Lyn
What the hell am I doing? Thinking? Dreaming about?
Yeah, I think that is one reason I am out of balance.
Wise One has requested we start school up. So I am off to look for some projects and math flash cards.
Yeah, we are doing it but that doesn't mean I am not FREAKING OUT!
Lyn
Monday, June 05, 2006
Lots of thinking going on......
Not sure I am putting out the energy I intend to those around me.
Heavy thought involved. Kinda standing out looking in for a bit.
I did see a good movie. The Break Up is very good, very funny, very huh, been there, done that. It is a bit predictable but it will make you laugh out loud.
Lyn
Heavy thought involved. Kinda standing out looking in for a bit.
I did see a good movie. The Break Up is very good, very funny, very huh, been there, done that. It is a bit predictable but it will make you laugh out loud.
Lyn
Friday, June 02, 2006
Turning off.....tuning out.
I am taking a break from all things techie this weekend.
See you Monday! Enjoy your weekend fun!
Lyn
See you Monday! Enjoy your weekend fun!
Lyn
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Warning
This is a hard post for me. It may be long. I started this blog to get things off my chest/mind and to get them on paper/computer screen. This is an instance where the post is totally a release. Skip it if you need to. Pray with me if you want.
Have you ever met someone that you instantly took to? That you wondered "where have you been hiding, you are like my other half"? Someone that you longed to be with because you both were just so goofy and strange and got the same dark things that are just part of life but make everyone else uncomfortable to talk about let alone laugh about? Have you had friends for almost all of you life that you have shared things with and talked over things with and made tough life decisions with and then you meet someone and even though you have not shared that you feel closer and more at ease with them then your life long friends?
I remember when we first met....thinking......man where has she been hiding. I felt I could tell her my life story and she would get it or at least not try to correct it....just let it be what it is.
We giggle at the same goofy, dark, stupid stuff. We have conversations that border on bizarre. We think of the same words at the same time and I am not talking about finishing obvious sentences. We once said purplalicious at the same time in response to a question by a co-worker. Whose uses the word purplalicious? And is it even a word? And if it isn't it proves my point even more. When things happen, I can't wait to tell her and get her opinion/comment on it. When something ridiculous happens she is the first one I want to share it with. Talk it over with. Have fun with being so ridiculous. And when I need parenting advice I run to her for her thoughts.
Now imagine that friend asking "what would you do if you were told you only had one year to live?" And knowing she is not asking for kicks. She is asking because she is facing things.
Now imagine thinking to yourself, no screaming to yourself, "what would you do if you were told you only had one year left with a friend?"
I know she has cancer. I knew it when I met her. I hate that word...cancer. What is it? What does it want? Why does it destroy people? Why? Why is it here? What are we learning from it? What? We can learn the same things in a different way, I know we can! Why cancer?
I have seen people die. Some even right before me. I have dealt with it. I nursed my grandfather as he died. I let him go. I have watched a 3 month old die and cried and moved on. I have put them all in a place and wrapped my brain around them all nice and tidy and stored them away. It is okay. I handled them. I think of them often. But I am okay with it. I miss them. I wish they were still here but I have accepted they are not.
I can not wrap my brain around this. I don't want her to die. I don't want to say goodbye or live the next year doing things knowing that we are living our last moments together. I don't want to think of her child growing without her. I don't want to. No really....I DON'T WANT TO!!
But what choice do I have, dammit? No choice. She doesn't have a choice and neither do any of those that love her. No choice, just a year. Or less. Maybe even more.
The rational me thinks ... oh they could come up with some other treatment. A miracle could happen and she could be healed. We are all just living our last days anyway so just take it for what it is. She will be at peace. All that garbage just makes me want to throw up. I am angry. There it is..... i am angry
And I do not know what to do with my anger. And I, JUST, do not know what to do with my ...... anger.
I could bury it in the backyard. See that is what I would say to her. And she would laugh and I would laugh and we would skirt around another hard issue. And just be.
Lyn
Have you ever met someone that you instantly took to? That you wondered "where have you been hiding, you are like my other half"? Someone that you longed to be with because you both were just so goofy and strange and got the same dark things that are just part of life but make everyone else uncomfortable to talk about let alone laugh about? Have you had friends for almost all of you life that you have shared things with and talked over things with and made tough life decisions with and then you meet someone and even though you have not shared that you feel closer and more at ease with them then your life long friends?
I remember when we first met....thinking......man where has she been hiding. I felt I could tell her my life story and she would get it or at least not try to correct it....just let it be what it is.
We giggle at the same goofy, dark, stupid stuff. We have conversations that border on bizarre. We think of the same words at the same time and I am not talking about finishing obvious sentences. We once said purplalicious at the same time in response to a question by a co-worker. Whose uses the word purplalicious? And is it even a word? And if it isn't it proves my point even more. When things happen, I can't wait to tell her and get her opinion/comment on it. When something ridiculous happens she is the first one I want to share it with. Talk it over with. Have fun with being so ridiculous. And when I need parenting advice I run to her for her thoughts.
Now imagine that friend asking "what would you do if you were told you only had one year to live?" And knowing she is not asking for kicks. She is asking because she is facing things.
Now imagine thinking to yourself, no screaming to yourself, "what would you do if you were told you only had one year left with a friend?"
I know she has cancer. I knew it when I met her. I hate that word...cancer. What is it? What does it want? Why does it destroy people? Why? Why is it here? What are we learning from it? What? We can learn the same things in a different way, I know we can! Why cancer?
I have seen people die. Some even right before me. I have dealt with it. I nursed my grandfather as he died. I let him go. I have watched a 3 month old die and cried and moved on. I have put them all in a place and wrapped my brain around them all nice and tidy and stored them away. It is okay. I handled them. I think of them often. But I am okay with it. I miss them. I wish they were still here but I have accepted they are not.
I can not wrap my brain around this. I don't want her to die. I don't want to say goodbye or live the next year doing things knowing that we are living our last moments together. I don't want to think of her child growing without her. I don't want to. No really....I DON'T WANT TO!!
But what choice do I have, dammit? No choice. She doesn't have a choice and neither do any of those that love her. No choice, just a year. Or less. Maybe even more.
The rational me thinks ... oh they could come up with some other treatment. A miracle could happen and she could be healed. We are all just living our last days anyway so just take it for what it is. She will be at peace. All that garbage just makes me want to throw up. I am angry. There it is..... i am angry
And I do not know what to do with my anger. And I, JUST, do not know what to do with my ...... anger.
I could bury it in the backyard. See that is what I would say to her. And she would laugh and I would laugh and we would skirt around another hard issue. And just be.
Lyn
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