exhaustion

that's the word of the moment. if my body is not then my mind is. if my mind is not then my body is.

this baby is really showing me my age. i. am. exhausted.

i am almost done with this semester. i am almost done with this school year, real job. that gives my a couple of months to recoop. oh wait....i need to take a class or two this summer. i am just not sure it will happen. just. not. sure.

lyn

the D O G

...he is a part of the family. ....we worry about how he feels. ...what he eats. ....do we pay him enough attention. we wonder where he is when he is not in the room. he makes us laugh and smile. we make sure his water is fresh. and he has treats. IS IT TO MUCH TO ASK THAT HE KEEP HIS DOG HAIR TO HIMSELF?

oatmeal

i have a love love relationship with oatmeal. i can eat it morning, noon and night. i said AND not OR. and i have eaten it that often. a pat of butter, a clump of oatmeal and a sprinkle of sugar. fills my tummy. not instant. no extra flavors. no added fruit or nuts or berries. i passed on my love to rowdy one as well. oatmeal is my go to meal when we are tired, hungry and the pantry is empty. it is my meal when nothing else sounds right. and my meal when we need to be warmed up. oatmeal.......yum. lyn

that feeling again.....

blue depressed zapped overwhelmed low tuckered out exhaustion weepy tired yeah all those words have been used. it got me good this weekend. all i want to do its sleep. i have so much to do. my plate is full: school, work, family, cooking. all i want to do it grow this baby in a calm way but life is kinda getting me all worked up. give it to Him and let it go. easier said than done. but i continue to try. luckily He is patient. lyn

new

baby coming. oct 2011. a bit of a surprise. i mean we talk about it all the time, for like the last two years. but then nothing so we kinda just rock along. talk about it a little less. we are getting older. it will be fine. then..............HELLO!

happy, scared, sad, confused, excited, terrified, overwhelmed, questioning, joy, fear, content.

yeah that is pretty much it in a nutshell by the minute around here.

i go from what the hell are we doing to oh this is the happiest i have been in a long time.

my mind says your old, to old and then in the same breath what a blessing.

all normal. all natural. all ongoing.

baby, it's been a long time. can't wait to hold you tight.

lyn

out of the mouth of rowdy one....

"good food brightens the spirit"

that is what he told me tonight as we ate.

we were watching jamie at home on the cooking channel and jamie was cooking a chicken tomato potato something. rowdy one wanted to go to the store at that moment and get everything to cook it. i told him we could make a quick stir fry. he was good with that.

it is basically pw's sesame noodles and then i stir fry whatever veggies i have and add them. YUM! tonight we had cauliflower, purple cabbage, broccoli, carrots and squash. i have also done the same recipe of hers but instead of noodles done brown rice or couscous. all good.

rowdy one helped me make it. he comments on how colorful it is and then...then....says good food brightens the spirit......i stopped for a second and just stared. did jamie say that? no, i did. i smiled. he is such a blessing to me!

cherish the little moments.

lyn

sometimes.....

life overwhelms me. i don't want to read (GASP!). i don't want to get online (DOUBLE GASP!) or cook (not so much a gasp).

at the moment i am overwhelmed. with school, kids, work, laundry, homework, yard work, housework, people, news, blogs.......

overwhelmed and spent.

i just want to stay in bed for the entire weekend.

see ya on the other side......

lyn

smell

i was told i smelled good today.

by a five year old.

and it was all i needed to keep a smile on my face.

that sweet little voice saying exactly what the sweet little brain was thinking.

they are the real deal.

lyn

sundays

*church - we are enjoying a new church. we are excited and connected.
*mid afternoon naps
*lunch out with friends - new friends from church.
*relaxed projects to wrap up
*laughter
*sunshine
*laundry
*homework
*eating whatever we can find
*clean sheets

lyn

randomness i just heard - rowdy one can you get me a phillips head screwdriver? that is the one with 4? yes. like the ph? ....silence......chosen one looks at me and i shrug. i have no idea how that kid thinks sometimes.

and we also....

sneak up and scare each other. i just did it to him and he said.....so this is how the day's gonna go? and then laughed a very evil little laugh.

once i was cozy on the couch with the quilts wrapped just so.....my cell phone rings. it is across the room. as i get up to get it i notice him giggling on. HIS.PHONE.

STINKER.....so this is how the day's gonna go......

fun stuff being sick at home!

lyn

type b flu

that is actually what i am cherishing today. type b flu. it means wise one and i have spent a week together. he with fever of 102.9 and me with a terrible sinus headache. he has the flu. i have a cold. but we sit together all day. taking naps. watching tv. laughing. talking.

"will you have a dog for your kids?" i ask.

"yes. most definitely. to teach responsibility."

"it that what four legged one teaches you?"

"yeah, kinda."

then we take a nap.

we eat scrambled eggs twice in a day cause that is all that sounds good to him. we stay in our pjs for days on end. with a shower on occasion to freshen up. we drink sprite and tea.

"why i oughta!!!" i say in some weird accent. like a mobster maybe. i have not idea when i even started this but when the boys pick on me or do something silly i say it pumping my fists in the air, laughing. and they say "but your not gonna!" and we laugh and laugh. family joke that no one understands. but a tradition all the same.

and i ask, "i wonder, will you do that with your kids?"

"i am sure i will!" and i smile.

he plays one of his shoot em up games. the kind that make mommas cringe and daddys say...it's a male thing. we fight against the bad guys and save the world. yeah, one of those games (eye roll). i tell him to stop and listen. he does and smiles.

"i hear the birds. they don't have the flu." and i smile.

he is a great kid, this one. my first born. the one that survived my total inability to diaper and swaddle and change clothes with arms swinging in every direction. the one that made my heart melt over and over just be watching him sleep. the one that slept with us till he was three and now just tolerates my hugs.

i cherish this week of sickies just to spend time with him. and i think he kinda enjoyed it too. not the mouth sores so much but the one on one time, that he usually competes for, yeah he has enjoyed that.

off to make more scrambled eggs.

lyn

misplaced

i have a habit that is not always good. in fact it usually gets me in trouble or makes someone else stressed in the house. and i am not naming names of who gets stressed but it is not me.

wise one is home sick today with fever. high fever. we looked for the digital thermometer and couldn't find it. wise one had it several weeks ago. he was checking his temp to find his normal. so we, meaning the male parental unit, thinks he LOST.IT! can you imagine. lost in our house? the horror. it was not put back in it's cover and returned to it's home so that is how we know it is lost.

i secretly, kinda, might think it was me who MISPLACED it. not lost. i will find it. just not now. when we need it. to take wise one's high temp.

i know...first off i need the thing and then i am kinda letting my kid take the fall. kinda.

we have an old timey one. it's not like we have nothing. just not the new digital one. cause it was not put in it's cover and returned to it's home.

and by the way i get all confused: it's, its, it is - it's WHAT DO I USE PEOPLE! i slept in second grade when we were learning this!!!!

oh and i am kinda looking for it but not really cause i know i won't find it when i need it. but it will turn up when i don't need it so why waste my time now when i know it won't be found. and lets just say that stressed someone out in the house more than me not putting things back.

and...if you knew me ten years ago.....well i was kinda a neat freak and now not.so.much. i did the whole kid thing and tried to work in the neat freak thing......and well.....it didn't really work for me.

lyn

feb 12th 1973

the family story is The Chosen One's mother went to the dr. thinking she was going thru menopause only to find out she was expecting. she had four boys at home, the youngest being ten. several months later, The Chosen One was born. son number five.

he was born for me. already picked for me. already picked to be a daddy. already picked to love this family.

God does not make mistakes. even when we mere mortals think he did. i think i picked him and he picked me. laughable really. we were made for each other. before we even took our first breath. our story was written.

i am thankful He does not make mistakes. i am thankful He knows what we need eons before we do.

i am thankful for february 12th thirty-eight years ago and my Chosen One.

lyn

word word remember the word

cherish today:

excitement over books

sweet shy smiles

i'm sorry said whole heartily from rowdy one

watching him pack.....his ways.....his movements.....his grin when he sees me watching

sticking with me

so the whole junkyard of good ideas has stuck with me. it has been creeping into my thoughts all day. i still laugh about it. it is such a perfect way to describe me.

this was a good idea......it took me to february to get it done BUT i completed it. i got to may and was happy. was gonna go about my business telling myself i would finish it later but come on, who am i kidding? i would get to may and then.....well it would end up in the junkyard. so i pushed thru and completed it all the way to december.

the thought, when i purchased it, was to use it for my "one word" instead of the picture, which it was made for. i still like the idea and i even went back and completed january. i snuck in "CHERISH" on each page.....reminder of sorts.

HA! take that!

lyn

reading

i came across this book at the library book sale.

have read nineteen pages. depressing, painful, amazing, life shattering, inspirational.

at one point i thought i would just put this book down and not finish, it was just to hard. then i thought, if this man lived the life and wrote about the life then who the hell am i to think it is to painful for me to read.

that is when i realized this is really a powerfully inspirational book.

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" by Jean-Dominique Bauby

lyn

dusting things

i did a little housekeeping on the old blog. i tried to rearrange, make it more tidy. in doing so i laughed at myself....several times. in 2010 i started out with my one word....jan and feb good. then it's like i drop off the face of the earth. that made me laugh. that is kinda how i live my life. kinda how my house looks. i start and then get distracted. humm, sounds like rowdy one. HA!

i live to fast. have to many balls in the air. think i must do this and that to live. when really i am missing out on the "living" part by trying to live the good life, read the important books, decorate the living room for comfort, complete my degree, teach my kids the best way, make my relationship top notch, create the bestest diet and healthy recipes and lifestyle.

i think i read to much. and not the things i should spend my time to read. sometimes i read magazines, books and blogs and get wonderful ideas and think i MUST go out and DO IT!!! anyone else like that? trying to keep up and just get more behind. i never saw myself as a keep up with the joneses type and i still don't but i do think this is, a type of spin off from that idea.

we have so much at our fingertips in this day and age. i can not read it and think, wonderful idea, oh how clever. no no i feel i much put it in to action. basically my house is a "good idea" junkyard. hang on for a sec.......that. made. me. laugh. i think i am putting that on my fridge.

a good idea junkyard....sums it up so well!!!!!! i even feel a bit lighter having named it!

funny. funny. funny. that is my life.

my ah ha moment.....of sorts.

i will have to think on this a bit long. i think i am on to something.

lyn

icy

so small a word that can bring such havoc.

i am referring to our current state outside but icy words, emotions and body language can bring havoc as well. three little letters.

outside the icy-ness kept my husband at work all night and the rest of my family in flannel pjs all day. under quilts. with 2 pairs of socks. that kind of icy.

but now as i glance out the kitchen window i see the sun. it is 448 in the afternoon and this is the first time i have seen it today. we are not used to this weather at. all. i am not sure my metal state could handle it for months on end. maybe i would adjust. maybe i would just become a hermit.

now i understand what basements are for.....when the kids haven't been able to go outside and get their energy out just send them to the basement! mine are doing fine so far but my little ones at school are paying a high price for no recess for two weeks. cold, wet and now ice.

cherish today: warmth of house and body and spirit; brothers playing more than arguing; no pipes freezing; no electricity going out; no place i have to be.

lyn

how i feel

i am COLD!

the end......

lyn

we are having a very cold cold snap for our parts....and well...i am not really liking my feet being cold ALL.THE.TIME.

cuddle bug

last night chosen one stayed with his dad. first night home after knee surgery.

wise one was staying with a friend.

that meant rowdy one and i shared a big ole king size bed.

we both enjoyed it.

he may be ten but he will not pass up a chance to cuddle with his momma!

i feel a change a coming.....

that is what wise one told me today. and then he asked if he could wear his purple "church" shirt to school. the polo? yeah that one! (him thinking it a church only shirt cracked me up)

let's go back in history.

at 3 - sleeveless all the time.
at 5 - pants with jacket all. the. time.
at 8 - shirts with skulls and nothing else printed on them. (seriously)
at 9 - t shirts only. not a skull in sight please!
at 10 - WHITE t shirts only. they can have something on them but white only.
now at 12 - polo shirts are the going thing!

i smiled last night when he told me "he felt a change a coming".....these are all changes i can handle. the driving change, no...no. the dating change...please no. the college change, have mercy on my heart. the serious girlfriend home for christmas change....flash before my eyes. the buying a house, having a kid change.....i am long gone now.

change is good. some might say. i say....depends on the change. the change of shirts is about as much change as i want from him at the moment.

well and maybe the change of him picking up his shoes!

cherishing the sweetness......

lyn

amazed

i am always amazed at the light in my kinder kids eyes when they see art. it fascinates me. they are curious. they get close to see. they ask questions. they state what they see or what they think is out of place. they oohhh and aaahhhh. they are natural art enthusiast. naturals. they take it all in. then try to figure it out. they laugh out loud. they know what to respect and be quiet.

i put several monet pictures on the wall from a small calendar. i have one little boy who i will see just staring at them. any free time he is at the wall. staring. thinking. kneeling. what is he thinking, i wonder. what does he see? what does he like? how is this shaping his brain or opinion or critical thinking?

i will never know if this exposure is helping them. but i think it is. i think they are the better for this introduction. for many, it may be the only glimpse of art......other than tattoos. the only part i hate is that i have to censor what i show them. i understand but i don't like it. of course i would not show them inappropriate things but i love the Birth of Venus and my kid kids did a in depth study on it. wise one was 6-7 and rowdy one was 4-5, so the same age as my kinder kids. they appreciated the beauty. and they saw that uncovered things are not something to laugh at or immediately think inappropriate. oh to be able to share it all.

i will share what i can, for now....

lyn

to cherish

cherish was an interesting word for me to pick. it was the one that kept popping into my head so i went with it. it was odd to me. not something i say in my normal conversations. cherish. i cherish you. nope never said that to anyone. i cherish this. again, don't think i ever said that. but the idea to cherish things spoke to me. to cherish........i actually looked up the definition to make sure i understood it.

cherish - to cling fondly to, to care tenderly for, to hold dear.

yep, that is what i was looking for.

this week i have noticed i am in a moment and cherish pops into my head. a whisper of sorts, "cherish this" "pay attention" "stop, take this all in"

i have been listening.

- a classroom of 5 yr olds singing as they do their artwork
-deep talks with the resident 12 yr old, don't happen as much as they used to
-a smile from chosen one
-a hug, from anyone
-a plead to be petted, four legged one truly calms my heart
-dinner, together, at our table
-sunrise

i am listening......

lyn

prayin

tonight as i drove my boys home, after a very long day of school and college and family obligations, we heard Better Than a Hallelujah by amy grant. i love this song. i sing it loudly when i hear it. as i was driving i lost my breath.....the soldier's plea not to let him die.........



i lost my breath and my boys saw. tears started flowing. we sung the rest of the song. we pulled in the driveway and i grabbed their hands......



Heavenly Father,


we lift up every soldier in every land fighting for freedom and justice. we may not understand the whys and hows and time frame. we may not agree with things that are set in motion but we lift all these soldiers up to you. for protection. for comfort. for guidance. when lonely nights happen and tears for home flow, hold them. when fear enters their bodies, hold them. when pain, emotional or physical occurs, hold them.

In Jesus Name We Pray. Amen.

and then we sat. for less than a minute no one moved. our teary eyes met at the same time and i cherished them.

lyn

chance to win

go over to house of smiths to check out the silhouette giveaway!

http://bit.ly/f76z6v

mlk

today has been a rough day.

tempers flare.

tears flow.

voices raise.

hearts break...a bit.

after things have calmed and exhaustion sets in...i wander outside to the garage. there i see a MOUNTAIN of laundry. and laugh........and laugh......and LAUGH. and in times like these laughter turns to tears. tears, tiredness. and comfort.

i have a family that doesn't always get along and work together. i have a family that goes thru to many clothes, that have to be washed. i have a family that gets annoyed with each other. i have a family....so many things i could say. but the most important is............i have a family.

to love.

to comfort.

to believe in.

that's good enough for me.

i am blessed.

lyn

words to remember

not nice, not true, not necessary, then don't say it.

or think it.

or wish it.

or live it.

ho hum

i am continuing to "release" into 2011. AND i have "cherish"ed quite a bit too. i am stopping to notice more. to listen more. to see more.

i am trying to grow. i am trying my hardest to grow. i think i like it. i am excited.

lyn

new year

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end ~ semisonic