Monday, April 02, 2007

Downers and an upper!

Seriously, I have thought about not posting anything related to my personal life because it always seems to be a downer. In the last two weeks we have had two more deaths hit the family. One from a distance and one up close and personal.

My uncle passed away very unexpectantly, in another country, last week. While it was not in my face it took me a few days to absorb it. And I was a little stressed until my cousins were safely back in this country after attending to the overseas matters.

This weekend my closest friend's mother passed away. M and I met in 2nd grade and have shared many, many memories. Her parents are second parents to me and my parents are second parents to her. As we looked through pictures of her mother it became very apparent how close we were growing up. "Oh remember when she always wore those shoes." "Remember that vacation, when we went to....." "Oh that was in the old house, remember that wall paper!"

Her mother's battle with cancer was short, compared to what it can be, but it was no less difficult. Luckily, M is in a healthy place about it. There was some peace in that house. And that was comforting to me. Her dad looks very, very tired. This has aged him significantly.

As I sat with M I realized it was time for me to have baby. What a bizarre time, right? But as one more death occured in my life I just had this amazing feeling that is was time for me to give life. And when the end of my life comes I want my children to be comforted by siblings.

The Chosen One and I know we would like more children. Always talked of more. But there is always a reason to wait. Always something that makes us doubt we can handle one more thing on our plate. But yesterday this wave of peace and happiness and time to focus on life hit me. Maybe it is the Easter season. Maybe it is just that time. Maybe I was just still enough to hear the whisper.

Whatever it was I came home and talked to the Chosen One and of course he just grinned.

Maybe it is time. I am waiting for more guidance and whispers. I will try to hush the world around me and focus on listening.



Randi said...

Sorry for you recent losses. Sending hugs your way...

I am excited about your new "venture"! What a wonderful thing to look forward to!

Elise said...

(Elise whispering so as not to distract you from God's voice)How beautiful. Saying goodbye, and saying hello to saying *hello*!
I will be praying for you as always, but now including this new gift to come...

QueenHeroical said...

oh, oh, oh ... OH wow.

-- Krina

praying for loud whispers and big ears (if that can be a prayer?)