Saturday, September 02, 2006

What 30 days of nothing means to me.

I have been praying about 30 Days of Nothing. I needed to find my place. I wanted to participate. I thought it was a grand idea. But how to best carry it out for me? Do I involve my family or try it solo?

Many things have come to mind. Many ideas have been tossed around. I believe I have found my place.

30 Days of Nothing to me means being more aware of what I have. It means a lifestyle change. A change of attitude. A change in the way I look at things.

In the last five years I have had many "events" in my life that have brought stress and pain. And for a while I have had them all floating in my head. Trying to make sense of them or find a place to store them. I am going to use this blog to purge or sort through. And hopefully start my journey of what I feel 30 Days of Nothing means to me.

I have more than enough. And I have not been very grateful. I was born here and now with many things at my fingertips. Others where born elsewhere with nothing. How disrespectful of me to be so ungrateful with all that I have. Daily. I believe one major flaw is that I do not know how lucky I am. That is my journey. To dig deep and see how others live. To dig deep and see, really see, how I live.

In the last five years the following things have caused me extreme stress.

1. major marriage disruption that bordered on divorce, including two separations.
2. both inlaws facing major medical trama that involved cancer for both of them, at the same time. they are both now survivors.
2. grandmother facing cancer, she is now a survivor.
3. the death of my grandfather, who i cared for in his final days.
4. the murder of one of my longest and dearest friend's 4 month old child by his babysitter.
5. a move far, far, away of a very dear friend.
6. changing jobs 5 times, trying to find my place that fit my family.
7. financial stress that we are now trying to climb out of. very slowly. not fast enough for the creditors that continue to call.
8. the sudden death of a close friend.
9. a very close friend struggling with cancer and all that that includes.
10. two close couples going through divorces.
11. the chosen one burning himself so badly that he was in intensive care for a week.
12. the drowning of rowdy one in a family friend's pool. he was blue, cpr was administered, he has recovered and will even swim now. a year later. 13. wise one seeing his brother in the pool and not being able to help him. 14. a close friend accidentally overdosing on perscription drugs that she was addicted to. i was will her the day it happened and noticed nothing. she still struggles with her addiction and has continued to go down hill.
15. understanding and facing depression.
16. september 11th.
17. intense therapy. which saved my marriage. and much of my sanity. and i believe started me on this journey.

In all these situations. I. was. never. alone. Not one time did I not have someone to turn to. Someone unexpectactly bringing me dinner. Someone calling to check on me. Someone to cry with me. Someone looking out for me. Someone to offer a hug. Not once, was I alone.

That is big. That is really BIG! To never be alone in your trials and tribulations. To know that you always had someone to lean on. That is so big to me that just typing it makes me cry. Never being alone. Never being concerned that my needs would not be met. My wants, well no, those could never be met in times of stress. I wanted these situations to go away. But my needs, my basic needs were taken care of. Without me doing much for myself. Other people took care of me in one way or another.

30 Days of Nothing is a time for me to realize how lucky I am. Not in ways that mean I will go without. In ways that I will focus my energy on all that I have. And take care of it. Treat it well. Take responsiblity for all that God has given me. People. Money. Shelter. Animals. Food. Comfort.

I have thrown so much away. So much that many can not even imagine having. That is one of the first things for me to take care of. In growing I can share. In sharing I can learn. In learning I can live.

That is what 30 Days of Nothing means to me. Not the path everyone will take. But my path I feel guided to take.

Tonia ~ thank you for all that you have made me face and think about.

Lyn

7 comments:

Queenheroical said...

Hi Lyn, I popped over after reading the comment you left on my newbie blog and found you so raw and honest that I am a little at a loss for what to say. But I didn't want to leave without saying that I admire the bravery it took to lay everything out like that. I have on occasion looked back and been overwhelmed by all that has past (I have refered to my "history" as my albatross on more than one occasion). I have struggled (still struggle) to lift my eyes out of it and I admire your choice to spend this time doing just that. If you don't mind to much, I'll be following along and praying for you as you do.
Krina

tonia said...

Lyn,

I think you have discovered a wonderful truth and I am so excited for you to start this journey. I am on the same path, dear sister. Just these first three days of 30Days have been eye-opening to me.

~What an incredible list of trials...and to be able to say at the end I. was. never. alone. How that blesses me!

Thanks.

Lyn said...

Krina ~ welcome and of course I don't mind you stopping by and following my journey. It is sometimes when I see someone elses posts that I am able to bring home something that I have been struggling with!

Tonia ~ loved the blackberries today. Isn't it wonderful to see them as a blessing instead of a nuisance? Just changes the whole picture for me! And by the way, if you want to ship me some I would gladly take them. We used to have some in the back of my parents yard but an over zealous neighbor has cleared them all out. They were a nuisance to him!

Lyn

Kate said...

Never.alone. God sent company. That is so beautiful to hear. I will be thinking of you and praying for you during this time.

RANDI said...

This is a powerful post, Lyn! I will be thinking on your words tonite...

(((HUGS)) for you!

Honey said...

Hi Lyn, thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a nice note. :)

I also adore Anne Of Green Gables by the way. :)

This list here is long and painful so it is glorious how you have found God in all hardships. Isn't it amazing how He loves us? It makes me realize how much I should hug Him when all is well too.

beck said...

i talk with you almost everyday so when i read this, i was amazed at everything you said. (always seem to be that way with you these days.) i am blessed to have you in my life because it's posts like this that make me think about my own trials and tribulations. make me question decisions i've made, the person i was and the person i have become. it's posts like this that make me want to be a better person. you've given me many things to think about dear friend.