Saturday, January 12, 2008

Chosen

A few nights ago as The Chosen One and I lay in bed watching TV we realized that it was the 15th anniversary of our first date. Or was it 16? No, no it was 15? Are you sure? Not really. Lets see this happened then and that happened that year and yes it is our 16th year together. I mean, 15. I think after a week we settled on 15. Fifteen years together.

He kissed me one night and from then on we were together. A couple, never really talked about it. Just kept seeing each other day after day. Funny how that happened, when I think of it now. No conversation of I like you and I want you to be this to me. It just was. And still is.

I have dug deep in my relationship with The Chosen One. For myself and for us. Some days we didn't come out right. Other days we were the only things I could make come out right at all. In our early relationship I hurt him.........I know you don't want me anymore, I said. No, I will always want you, he said. Years into our marriage he hurt me.......I don't think I want you anymore, I said. Then I will wait here until you want me again, he said.

Anytime I have asked him for more he has given it. Anything. You need me to bend, just tell me how far, he says. All so that he could love me. That is all he asks in return.

Therapy, paint this, buy that, do you like my new haircut, I want to change jobs, we need to save money, please wear these jeans, I don't like those, can you make it again, will you get me this, just one more please, leave me alone, talk to me more, touch me here, don't wake me up, why did you let me do that.

I am not easy to live with. The struggles with depression and migraines and OCD.......make me want to leave myself some days. But The Chosen One stays. Solid and strong. Flexible and soft. A safe place to land and a safe place to plow down.

There are days when we get it all wrong. We say the wrong thing in the wrong tone at the wrong time. It is just all wrong. But the next day he is always there to start over again.

In the depths of my grief or anger or depression or sadness I have always reached out and found his hand. Right there as it always has been.

Fifteen years. All started when I said yes to a date. I found a true companion. A true friend. A life mate. A co-parent. Sometimes I have wandered how did we get together in this crazy world? And then I remember he was Chosen for me. And I was chosen for him.

That makes it all seem possible, workable, doable. It really is bigger than us, this love we have. Much bigger than us.........

Lyn

2 comments:

Elise said...

This is just breathtaking- I sat with my mouth covered on the edge of my seat as I read. What a beautiful picture of God-given relationship and marriage... this: In our early relationship I hurt him.........I know you don't want me anymore, I said. No, I will always want you, he said. Years into our marriage he hurt me.......I don't think I want you anymore, I said. Then I will wait here until you want me again, he said.
Exquisitely put. He sounds wonderful, and I know he feels the same about you, for he may be your Chosen One, but you are also his.
(((hugs)))

Kate said...

Straight from the heart. Total truth. That was just beautiful. That is how is is supposed to be! Happy 15 years!