word word

still deciding on the word of 2011 and still living by the word of 2010.

"release" did me well this year. today we released A LOT from the garage.

throughout the year release meant letting go...of feelings, of plans, of emotions, of ideas, of stuff, of people, of me, of expectations, of stuff, of clothes, of paper, of anger, of stuff, of control, of family heirlooms, of dishes, of sadness, of control, of firm grips, of things i thought about myself and others, of me running the show, of toys, of christmas items, of shoes, of family.

you get the idea. lots of things fell into my release attitude. some were easy some so very very hard. but all for the better. truly. i plan to continue to live my release attitude. in hopes that at some point it will be i never "get" it/them in the first place. i pass it/them by the first time so that i do not have to "release" later.

i am really thinking of "organize" or "cherish" for 2011. organize seems so one way but really i could use it could help me in so many ways. not just my tupperware cabinet. but my thoughts, emotions, actions, closet, tupperware cabinet, time...you get the idea. and cherish. a much needed reminder for me. i need to STOP and cherish every single moment. i think cherish is more important. i think. yeah. it is. i will cherish this year. i can always organize. cherish...well i don't need to pass that up.

i didn't expect to make up my mind in a blog post but i did.

CHERISH it is.

lyn

coming down

i think i am coming down from the holiday high. getting close to time to head back to the working world. not that wonderful stretch of many many days off ahead of me. just a couple or so. for some reason the new year is a bit depressing for me. trying to put my finger on that one. trying to understand why. trying to get my emotions in check so they don't get the best of me. is it that i had so many hopes for 2010 and now that the end is near i see how little i accomplished? is it the new year means time is flying by more quickly than i would like? is it i am just a half glass empty kinda gal that has been hiding out for 38 years? or is it that i just exist and don't live fully?

hope i can figure this one out. i would like to shift my outlook at this time of year.

i really am rich beyond means, why so blue then?

lyn

perfect

you're already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you're already perfect.

thank you zen habits!

chilly

i am writing this post on my back porch in the chill and the dark.

why? cause the fab chosen one gifted me a laptop for christmas.

that's why.

the end.

lyn

one word

what will my one word be for 2011?

2010 was release. i think i did well with it. it fit. it worked. it was what i needed.

this year.....what fits?

cherish

comfort

peace

enjoy

stop

breathe

rejoice

clean

choice

moment

so many words. so many emotions. so many things to tackle.....with just one word.

lyn

gifts

we received so many gifts this christmas.......so many. nothing we needed to survive our lives. nothing that we could not live without. nothing that if we didn't get we would have not made it.

but so many need things like that. things to survive. things to continue on. water.....food.....a touch of comfort and love.

we enjoyed lots of food.....lots. we enjoyed love of family and friendship. we enjoyed conversation and touches of kindness. we enjoyed laughter. we enjoyed the comforts of warmth and in the case of texas christmas a touch of coolness when needed.

as i sit here typing this in my comfy recliner with the ceiling fan on and each of my family enjoying a computer device i realize if i cleared even half of my living room we would still be overly comfortable. if i removed everything, we would still enjoy heat and air, soft carpet and each other.

will i think of this wonderful time when i see the tiny snowflake on my charm bracelet? that was the intention.

when i see the beautiful angel portrait that i really wanted, will see calm me and bring me back to this time of "peace on earth, good will toward men"?

when i pull my new mixing bowls out will i be transported to the wonderful comfort food we shared? like the delicious chicken and dumplings i am eating now.

every time i get on my new laptop will i be thankful for the computer age and enough money to splurge?

i should remember these things. i want to remember these things. i want to be as thankful and in awe of the times i am experiencing. i want to live that way.

as i go over these things i am secretly preparing for the new year. setting a plan to live. change a habit. create a better me....time.....experience. no setting out to lose weight. committing to cut out this or that. promising to cut back. nope, this is more important. more of a change that is needed. more of a balancing act than anything i have set out to do. no i do this and i will "GET" this. just be aware of living really. that is what i will "get". and that is more than plenty. more than i deserve. more than most get.

lyn

August 2010

Haven't felt like writing much lately. Life, happens. And happens again. And then sneaks up and happens over and over.

I did want to document something about my family. Our sleep patterns.

I can fall asleep on a subway in rush hour traffic. I can sleep anytime and anywhere. One day this may change but for now....it is grand. The Chosen One hates it.

The Chosen One has the hardest time. He hears dust settle at the neighbors house and is awake for hours. He sees a light in the closet, the way back corner under the dressup suitcase, you know the one you forgot you had, yeah he can see the light all the way back in that corner, under piles and he is up for hours. He tosses and turns. He sleeps this way and that way. He has to have his fan on. He has to have his feet covered. He has to have everything just so...so he can sleep for 30 minutes before something wakes him up.

I hurt for him.....and roll over and go to sleep.

growing.....

I am not sure I like his tone..........

Or some of the friends he chooses..............

Or the way he treats his brother sometimes.........

I am not sure I like his reading choices but I still read them with him.......

Or his homework habits...........

Or the fact that he is sleeping without a shirt now..............

He is growing. He is working hard at this growing. He is changing before my eyes. Most days this saddens me. I want to bottle him at 5 or so.

He is becoming his own person. The person he will be. He is being guided by Him.....I know this. I pray for this. I have faith in this.....

He still calls me mommy.

He still wants me to tuck him in.

He still wants me to talk/read to him while he takes a shower.

He is still my little boy....only with bigger feet and bigger ideas!

lyn

Second Month

This second month of 2010 finds me sad......mostly for all the couples around me that are breaking up/on the verge/deeply struggling. I count seven off the top of my head. I am sure if I made a list it would be more. Some are very very close to me and others are not. But I am sad for all.

In keeping with me one little word of RELEASE I am praying daily and releasing the sadness that I feel. It is alot for me to do this. It is a huge baby step for me to make this happen. Pray and RELEASE. This is for my own mental health. The sadness of what I feel seems to stick to me like glue in times like these. I must RELEASE. It is not easy. It is not simple. It is not natural.

But I will............

Definition

Release:

::::liberation - the act of liberating someone or something

::::let go of

::::free from something that holds back, binds or fastens

::::a process that liberates or discharges something

Chatter

Rowdy One talks alot....and usually when I am listening to my favorite song, or reading the best part of a book....when I am deep in conversation with someone or myself, when I want to hear every drop of the rain....or when I desperately need quiet. Rowdy One is talking.......

Normally it is some fact that I could care less about or a question I have already answered at least a million times. Demands, arguing or trying to get his point across, a point that many times makes no sense at all.

I try to listen to what I am wanting to listen to and tune him out. I try. And sometimes I do.

But sometimes I don't and out of the millions of words he speaks in a day....sometimes they are the sweetest words I have ever heard. Sometimes they are wise beyond his years. They are funny or tender or smart or helpful.

I must release what I think I should hear and listen to Him thru him.

Release my ideas of what my ears want to hear and hear what I am meant to hear.

I have missed alot doing it my way. This year I will do it His way.

Release and in turn receive.

Release

Word for 2010.......

Trying to keep my head up.......

Very tired at the moment. Body as well as mind and spirit. Lots going on in my house and my mind. Rowdy one is trying my patience. ADHD is very difficult to live with. VERY difficult at the moment. Stress fills every crack. I long for a day of calmness. I long for a day of no yelling or complaining or arguing just to get teeth brushed or clothes on.

And the whole while I long for that day I also know that he was given to me. A precious gift. That at the moment I would like to wrap back up and send back. But no, God gave him to me. He is mine to raise while here on earth. I must muster up the courage, patience, love and follow Him where He leads me. He lead me to this child and I will trust that I can handle it, with His help. Sometimes I do feel abandoned. Sometimes I am mad. Sometimes I am so very tired. Tapped out from a rough day. But He gives me sleep to rest. And gives me His word to strengthen myself with.

I will continue........another day.

But I am very tired.

Big sighs........

everday I am encountered with more sad, troublesome news.....

divorce, separation, illness, death, surgery, arguments

troubled hearts.........

everyday.........for several days that have turned to weeks.............

I am grasping from the refresh button.

A sandwich.........

I am a pretty picky eater. I don't think I am but when I am around others.....well yes I am.

My hamburger......well done, with cheese and extra pickles. The other stuff if just a bonus.

Chili....my mom's PERIOD!

Fried chicken.......spicy. If you go through all that trouble make it good!

Mushrooms......NEVER! EVER!

Iced Tea strong and slightly sweet.

Dr. Pepper...never straight out of the can.

Sandwiches.

I like fresh bread.....whatever you got but make it good and fresh, white, wheat, sourdough, 7 grain....

Mayo and mustard or honey mustard or just mayo.....makes no difference.

Greens of some sort.....spinach, romaine....iceberg......just go with it.

Meat....ham, turkey, thick or thin......

And of course chips on the side.....something crunchy! That is a must.

Now to the part that I really have a hard time waivering on.......cheese.

Guess what? I like Kraft cheese slices. Memories from my childhood, maybe. Not real cheese, who cares. I want Kraft cheese slices on my sandwich.

Guess what we were out of when I went to make my sandwich tonight?

KRAFT CHEESE SLICES!

I had shredded Velveeta.......a block of cheddar.....some Muenster.

I chose the Velveeta. I sprinkled it on my bread. It was just not the same.

Yes, I am a picky eater.

Guess what....I sleep with two pillows and one needs to have a satin pillowcase homemade by my mother on it! So sue me!

Lyn

Albertine

Brooke Fraser's Albertine. You can hear it over at Katie's (go to the bottom, her play list) or google it but find it and listen to it.

L.I.S.T.E.N. to it.

Favorite verse............

now that I have seen, I am responsible

and

I will tell the world, I will tell them where I have been

This applies to any of us. To any injustice/illness/homeless/hungry we see.

We must stop waiting for someone else to do it/take care of it/fix it. We are all human. We all feel pain. We all feel happiness. Black , white. American, Indian, German. No matter the continent we were born or the language we speak.

Now I know I may sound all Pollyanna...I know we can't just run out and fix the entire world. But we can make a difference to one person. We can make a difference to a family. We can make a difference. We can and we must!

I have seen a warm word change the mood in an instant. I have seen a new pair of warm socks brighten even the darkest day. I have seen a smile lift a spirit. I have seen human touch ease a stress. I have seen what money can do if used with love in the heart. I have seen what a team can do for one that one could have never done alone. I have seen what warmth and love and His guidance can do. We can all do it. And if we all do it it will change the world.

Favorite at the moment.....

Cinnamon Apples:

Apples, any shape size or variety. We use about 6-7 at a time. Peel them and slice them thin, thick, cube whatever you like. Melt butter in a skillet...plenty of butter. Add apples. Let them sit a bit on high heat. Really get them sizzling. Then sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on them. Toss and sprinkle some more. Nudge heat down just a bit and let them sit and sizzle. As they start to get to the firmness/mushiness you like then cover them with brown sugar. And let them sit on low heat. Serve in a bowl, this is how we like them. They could be over ice cream. We have had them with biscuits in the morning. YUMMY!

Make them they way your family likes...more or less of something........

lyn

At this moment.......

Wise One:

is an Aggie
loves cereal
sleeps a bit more
wants Ovaltine and milk
loves scrambled eggs with cheese
is trying rice and at times mashed potatoes
has tasted more things than before
brushes his teeth every morning with no reminder, thinks brushing at night is useless
washes his hands almost obsessively
smiles freely
wants his hair cut short
wears only shorts
leaves his socks everywhere!
loves to tell blonde jokes and read the Sunday funnies


Rowdy One:

is a Longhorn
is enjoying PB&J after being a bit burned out
loves black eyed peas
won't eat toast or bacon or anything crispy for that matter
would eat seafood at every meal
is stingy with smiles
never remembers to brush his teeth or turn out a light
is very helpful
almost burned out on oatmeal
now notices when his nails need to be trimmed
wears only jeans
makes note of every quarter he sees...what's on the back!
likes puzzles

They change quickly....must remember to document.

Why he is The Chosen One.....

On any given day I can count at least 25 reasons that I married my husband, in a matter of seconds. Little everyday things that make us fit. And then there are the times when I sit back and truly let it soak in that he was Chosen for me by Him. The day to day I seem to forget that. It sometimes takes the big moments to remind me.

Friday afternoon.....

Me: "any chance you could get a truck and trailer?"

Chosen One: "for????"

Me: "well, so we could run up to Austin (four hours drive one way) and pick up a couple pieces of furniture so Auntie A doesn't have to store them."

Chosen One: "a couple?"

Me: "yeah, a ..... few......things she just can't seem to part with....and we could use around here.....and it would save her a bundle on a storage unit....and....yeah....a few."

Chosen One: "I'll see what I can do."

With in five minutes he calls back with a truck and trailer lined up.

We head out early Saturday morning. Make it to Austin by lunch. Visit and start to load. First a bed.....full sized bed rail and mattress........

Chosen One: "where are we putting this?

Me: "oh if we don't use it I will find someone....maybe niece L." Keep walking or he will ask more questions I have no answers for.

Then we load a wooden rocker, a side table, a cedar chest, a trunk, a dining room table, a lamp, an oak table with leaves, a chest of drawers and dresser, a twin sized headboard and foot board a plant, some odds and ends.........two book shelves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

We head out with much more than a couple of things. But all really good stuff!

Fast forward a couple of hours. Sky full of rain. Pull in to raunchy truck stop to buy tarps. Seventy bucks later and a big explanation to Wise One and Rowdy One about what all those things for sale on the wall of the bathroom where(!!!!) (note:they were not feminine hygiene products...thankyouverymuch!)get back on the road and then run into a hail storm. HAIL STORM!!! Rain we can't even see in. HAIL!

Finally make it home. Unload....a few things we ran to Austin to pick up that Auntie A can't seem to part with......and we could use around here....and it would save her a bundle on a storage unit....and...yeah....a few.

He chose him for me. Long ago. Knowing that a hot day in August 2009 I would need to be gently reminded of that. He chose him. For me. He chose a man with a happy heart. Patience and enough love to live with me forever. Especially when I call on a Friday afternoon asking for a truck and trailer.

lyn

Clouds

Today has been a day to watch the clouds and do nothing else.

lyn